Motherhood

Motherhood has been in the news a lot lately: teenage motherhood, what does motherhood mean, what it means to be a good mother। It has been in TV shows ( 16 and pregnant and The Secret Life of the American Teenager), in advice columns (a vice of mine), and today motherhood came in the form of my August issue of Marie Claire. I was just flipping through the magazine, when I happen to open to a page about mothers who gave custody of her children to her ex husband/child's father. I eagerly read the piece about three women who decided what motherhood was to them. I for one love children. I don't have any of my own but am the proud godparent and "unofficial" godparent of two of the most beautiful, smart, and sweet 5 and 3-year-old. I would love to be a mother one day, to experience a little person shout "mommy" and all the hugs and kisses I would receive from someone that I would hope looks like me. I'm also somewhat prepared for the crying, screaming, shouting, moody, depressed and somewhat bratty person that a child/teenager can be too. A year ago I would have read this story and instantly been ripping the moms a new one for "leaving" their children to go and pursue adventures and careers that should have been done before the little blessings came into the world. Today though, my mind thought differently. I saw mothers who decided that they wanted to experience something in addition to being a mother not instead of I'm sure that there will be people out there who will not agree with this. So what! Why do we put women in a different area than a man. Men can certainly decide not to be a dad and while we get riled up if he's not paying child support, if he pays child support and does nothing else we aren't that concern. In my neighborhood I see all too often mere children walking down the street with strollers and babies strapped to their chest. I see mothers walking five steps in front of their toddler while the poor babies are practically running to catch up with them. Mothers who took on a tremendous responsibility far before their time. They didn't realize the enormity of motherhood, that parenting is more than just buying cute clothes and baby talk. Now, they look tired, angry, and most important not hopeful. I look into their faces and I'm sure their babies look into their faces too and see hopelessness, like nothing will ever be different.
Unlike the women in my magazine, they don't have fathers to give their babies to when they can't handle it anymore. They are stuck!

I look at the role of motherhood differently now. Why can't a man raise children if a woman decides she doesn't want to be a "full-time" mom or to pursue a dream she always felt she wanted to do? Our society for the longest time has told girls and women that you should have children and devote the rest of your life to these children, sometimes at the cost of your own happiness. Long after the "feminist" movement we still haven't gotten that far. Women who decide to be mothers look down on women who don't want to and call them "selfish". Women who don't want have children look down on women who do, calling them "breeders". This must stop. Women have the right and the intelligence to decide what is best for her and her family. We don't criticize men who decide they don't want to have children or decide that they want to be "house husbands" yet, women receive ridicule for wanting to be "house wives". To some women motherhood is something they don't want to do all the time and maybe they shouldn't have to. I think that women should have those rights and other people should respect those actions.